I'm not even really sure what to write. For those of you who don't know, five years ago our daughter, Maya, passed away in her sleep. When I told Jared I needed to post something on the blog, but had no idea what to say he told me to keep it simple. I've considered that. I've sat for the last week trying to figure out what to say. I'm not good with words or with feelings for that matter. I tend to be sarcastic and tone down how I truly feel 90% of the time.
So I sit here deleting everything I type. I can't find the words to describe what Maya means to us. What she means to me. However, today seemed to be a good representative of what she means to me. Today we gathered with family, friends and neighbors. People that we love. People who have supported us through the last 5 years. We woke up 5 years ago to a nightmare. Today as we made cookies, had water fights, visited the cemetary, and released balloons to the sky we celebrated the life of our daughter. We would have given anything to have more time with her. To hold her longer. I would have given up my own life for her to live. To have children of her own. But in the last 5 years I have learned far more than I could have ever dreamed of. Today I have peace. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do is to come to terms and accept my daughters death. It's been a very long, hard process. There have been people I leaned on and had moments of completely breaking down. I am forever thankful to the people who listened. Who didn't worry if I cried. Who sat and looked at her clothes and her baby book with me.
Tonight for the first time Matthew talked to me about Maya without getting mad. He always gets mad and tells me he doesn't want to talk about it. Tonight we talked for a long time about her. He wrote a note for her on his balloon. Drawing hearts and signing his name.
Maya. Forever loved and forever missed. I take comfort in knowing that our time on earth was short, but we have eternity. What more could I ask for?
5 comments:
Beautiful, Missy. Simply beautiful.
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your dear one. I can't imagine. You've written a beautiful tribute here - bless your heart.
Big hugs to ya girl! Love ya!
That's so neat that Matthew talked to you about Maya. It made me cry reading that! That picture is so sweet.
This was beautiful Missy!!! Very well written. I am so glad that you all had a great day celebrating Maya's life!! And I'm glad Matthew was able to talk about Maya. Reading that brought tears to my eyes. Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!!
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